This is not a story with a happy ending… In fact, it’s only the beginning of the story. One in a million of similar stories that happen every day all across the world. Is it unique? No. Is it going to have a happy ending? Time will show… It is a journey indeed, with its ups and downs, moments of happiness and sorrows, pleasant surprises and desperation – everything that a human being can experience entering this world…
The world… which started falling apart for me when I realized there was no other way to stop the suffering but to get divorced. It’s hard to describe what I was going through and I don’t feel the need to go too deep into the details. The only thing I can tell for sure, once I got out of the dysfunctional marriage, I sank right into the deepest depression. Divorce is an emotionally and financially draining process, and it takes time to heal. Well, let me tell you, it’s been 2.5 years now and I don’t think I have healed yet. There have been positive changes for sure, but that big black hole inside of me where the heart used to be, it’s still there… maybe not as big anymore though…
Over these 2.5 years, I have managed to establish respectful relationship with my ex. We have a child so for the sake of our child we decided to be adults and put our disagreements aside. We’ve been doing pretty good in that aspect so far. That’s it for the positive changes I guess…
Once the divorce was finalized and all little details were settled, I was left with nothing but seizing emptiness inside. My child started living with me 50% of the time. I think this was the most devastating decision of the court that hit me right in the face. Being my child’s primary caregiver for 8 years, I did not know what to do without that little love of my life being around. On the days she was at her dad’s, I was dying inside, bit by bit. I did not know what to do with myself. I surfed the internet and devoured articles in hopes of finding the answer, the remedy to my bleeding heart. But all of them as one insisted on taking advantage of free time, starting a new hobby, meeting new people, figuring out what you like doing and start doing it, etc., etc., etc.
Well, let me stop right here and tell you the truth. It does not work for everybody. It just doesn’t. I am that kind of person who needs to share the experience with a loved one to be able to gain the most out of that experience. On the days when my daughter was with me, I did much better. I felt like I had a purpose in life. Days without her were my dark days.
The situation got worse when I found myself longing for love. I desperately needed to feel loved as a woman. To feel appreciated and cared for. To feel happy again. As I previously mentioned, I can’t sublimate. I am sure there are people who can start going to gym, take on new hobbies, etc. and it really helps them. Good for them! Unfortunately, I am not a person like that. I tried lying to myself, but eventually I just had to face it – I want to be loved by a man, loyal, honest, respectable man. I am a family person and I need that deeply caring and special relationship in my life. No hobby or a pet can substitute that.
And that’s when I set on my journey of finding the other unicorn…
It's just the beginning... 